Episode 65 S2-30
Couple Communication, Surviving Disaster Together
Without Land Ch 30
Elliot R. Katz
Elliot Katz started asking himself, what did he have to learn about his broken relationships? He noticed a gigantic disconnect between what men had been told women want and what women really want. He found that the teachings of the past make sense and developed the goal of changing the men of the world by teaching them what men used to be taught about being a man: show leadership, make decisions, and take responsibility for your actions. Elliot feels that men, more so than women, need to be taught how to be a man. In today's day and age many men grow up without a father figure or older male role model to teach them what it means to be a man.
Elliot also found that there are three major disasters that destroy partnerships. Financial stress is the number one relationship killer. Elliot recommends not entering into financial situations that may destroy your relationship because of a promise of a long term payoff. Value your relationships more than the financial reward. The second disaster that destroys relationships is job loss. At first it may be okay but, men especially, may lose their feeling of self worth. As more time goes on unemployed more and more self esteem is lost. The last major relationship destroyer is a death in the family. Individuals may begin to question their purpose in life or blame their partner for not providing enough support during the mourning period.
Elliot suggests some ways to make sure your relationship will survive a disaster. Realize marriage is long term. Know you are going to be there in the good times and the bad times. If you are not prepared to weather the storm with an individual do not enter into the marriage in the first place. The second step you can take is creating mutual marriage goals. The passion in the relationship will not last forever. Have a point that you are headed to as a couple. The last thing Elliot suggests is playing an active role in your relationship. Elliot believes, men need to stop relying upon their wife to make decisions and then blaming her when things go wrong. Men need to be a strong leader that the family can depend on. Not a controlling tyrant but showing you are ready to share your part in the leadership of the family. Elliot believes that couples need to stop blaming and waiting for the other individual to change. The only person you can change is yourself. You need to think, learn and grow as an individual and a couple.
Elliot also has some great tips for fixing communication gaps. He notes that communicating does not mean complaining. Too much criticism and negative energy is not good for any individual or relationship. You need to find out how your partner needs to be communicated to in order for the communication to be productive. Really think how you can make the connection. Elliot also believes that criticism can also be debilitating in a relationship when a woman asks a man to do something and then picks apart the way he does it. If you ask your spouse to do something, let them do it, as long as it's not dangerous and then try praising the positive points.
Featured Quote From Today's Chapter:
"Her brain was an unrelenting machine churning away at turbo speed."
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