How do you know whom to let into your inner circle of trust? There is a saying that my co-host reminds me of frequently, “Loose lips sink ships.” We’ve explored the concept of trust many times on this show in the past. For many, including myself, trusting in others is a constant struggle. I am an honest person with no reason to lie, and thus, I tend to want to trust people and help to educate them about preparedness and the values of freedom.

Many people ask me why I would put myself out there and share this knowledge. I believe that the more people we can teach the concepts of preparedness to the better. Once many people in a community become educated, then you create prepared communities who can adapt, adjust, and protect one another no matter what circumstances come their way. 

However, when you put yourself into the public spotlight, you become a target for both good and bad people. If they know you have knowledge and supplies to survive, then “anti-hoarding” laws that appear during hard times may identify you as a resource. Also, desperate individuals who need food for survival will target you because they know you have been preparing.

The reality of it is both myself and my co-host, Chin, are private people. We keep our inner circles very small and carefully assess individuals for their loyalty. As the world deteriorates further and further, you may want to do the same. There are many questions you need to ask before you let someone in. What do they have to offer you? Is the risk of trusting them worth the reward? What would individuals have to gain by betraying you? You need to understand this well ahead of time. Given these factors, I had to ask myself, is there any way to sincerely vet someone? If you do let them in, what circumstance would cause them to betray you? How do you know if a new companion is a fake?

The question of loyalty is why you need to have many levels of trust. All people have a breaking point. Once reaching this point, they will betray you. Seek this out when you first meet people. What are their motivations for what they do? What drives them to act the way they do? Why do they wake up and face each day? This driving force is their Achilles heel.

Once you have identified an individual’s motivator, you have to decide what circle of protection you can provide to keep them loyal. No previously formed bonds, including those of family, will dictate if someone will remain faithful. We all have a breaking point. Consider the steps of the loyalty ladder. Loyal people are supportive and will reach out to help or keep you on track. Dependable individuals are trustworthy and will speak honestly, even if it is not what you want to hear. Loyal individuals are sincere. They display subtle signs that they care about the group. They are there in good and bad times. Devoted individuals display integrity. They follow their moral code and apologize for the rare occurrences that their ethics are compromised. Following a code break, they will self-correct their behavior.

An unexpected change can disrupt any previously formed individual or group loyalties. Change that individuals can’t prepare for emotionally rocks an individual to the core. New perspectives and experiences will cause them to question any previous loyalties. Unexpected changes may cause individuals to let go of old habits and thought patterns that don’t help them in the new situation. What seems like a horrible situation, can turn into an opportunity as the individual struggles to adapt. Unexpected change forces personal growth in a positive or negative direction. The individual will reconsider choices made up to this point in their life and reevaluate priorities. The unexpected change creates new beginnings and ends a former way of life. New opportunities present themselves, and a fresh start begins. The modification forces the individual to develop resilience, strength, and courage to adapt, old loyalties are no longer critical.

When new circumstances present themselves, people adapt to this new future and begin to question old loyalties. How do you maintain your integrity throughout these unexpected changes? The first thing you need to do is try to prepare. Today, while things are status quo, reflect on possible scenarios, and remember how your loyalties have helped you through past experiences. Think of positive and negative situations and what the potential responses of your trusted individuals will be. Do you think that person will still stand with you if you choose a choice that isn’t in their best interest?

The second thing you need to remember is that only one person can control how you respond to change, and that is you. Can you turn a negative situation into a positive one? What personal loyalties that you hold dear will come into question? Are you prepared to live with the decisions of your actions? Do the benefits outweigh negatives? Think long term and consider the big picture. What are the potential losses versus gains? Are they worth compromising your loyalties?

The third thing to keep in mind is that everyone involved is going to learn through the experience. You and people loyal to you are going to remember who was there when you or they needed you or them. Both those who are faithful and you as an individual will recognize the adaptations that happened to maintain your way of life. There are only two outcomes here, either the change is allowed to control you or those loyal to you, or you and those loyal to you will learn that the only thing that you can truly control is how an individual responds to change.

There are steps you can take to help keep people loyal. 

Communication is always king. You need to stay in touch and show that you give a crap. You can’t speak hollow words. You need to open up and provide more of yourself if you want them to do the same. Don’t pity people when they discuss problems. Try to understand their source of pain and help them bear the weight of the problem. Listen actively and ask detailed questions about what they are discussing. When you are making decisions, factor those that are loyal to you into those decisions. Will it be in the best interest of everyone? Ask them for confirmation. Share experiences to develop a better sense of understanding of decision making. There can be no little white lies. You need to stay honest and communicate clearly. Ask them to confirm that they understand. Make those who are loyal a priority. Be concerned and find out what you can do to help make their life easier. Plan mindful surprises; it doesn’t have to be extravagant. Little gestures go a long way.

It can be tough to allow people into your inner circle of trust. Once you do, you need to understand what circumstances may occur to alter their loyalties. Any relationship requires maintenance, and this is no different. If the connection is meaningful, show it.